Tuesday, July 5, 2011

of self


I found out that my biggest challenge is one of COMMUNICATION. Seriously. Communication in term of confrontation, to be exact. Aku prefer to ‘sleep on things’, sweep it under the carpet as much as I could, sehinggalah muncul satu hari dimana aku terpaksa juga berdepan dengan apa sahaja yang aku takutkan itu.

I simply hate confrontation. Yes I admit fully.

Dan aku juga mendapati yang aku ini seorang yang amat reserved sekali. Superficial. Pretentious. I allow people to see only what I want them to see. Not more and not less. I found out that I’m good at hiding things, wallowing everything inside to myself.

I also know that this is not healthy. But I wonder can I honestly change this part of me?

And I found out too, in order to have peace, I need to go through a civil war inside of me first. No amount of wealth can offer ones peace and happiness. The phrase ‘money can’t buy happiness’ might seem cliché, but honest-to-God, it is so TRUE. You can be surrounded with abundance of wealth but still find yourself not ‘quite’ there yet. The hollow space inside of you, just can’t be justified. You seemed to have everything, but deep down only you know how empty you really were.

And I found out as long as you are alive, you will have to keep overcoming hurdles of life. Some small and insignificant. Some big and significant. Perhaps all these hurdles are meant to make you stronger and wiser with time. But are you really?

And the best part of all, if you pray hard enough, you'll find out that Allah will answer your call, sooner or later. Have faith. Walk to Allah. Allah shall run to you.

9 comments:

Mynie said...

i can soooo relate to this post...

knv said...

really? you too? must be under the same zodiac then hahahha! :D

Anonymous said...

Allah sayang banyak tu..insyaallah... sometimes mmg kena release... selalu release then insyaallah akan lebih stabil... my prayer for u.. t.c. -huda

m-i-o said...

salah tu. mynie is a gemini, to be exact. and both of you are under different elements - leo is fire, gemini is air.

yg benar,
mahaguru zodiak dan peramal kaji cuaca. hahaha!

knv said...

air as in 'water' atau air as in udara?

cakap biar teghaanggg :P

m-i-o said...

angin laaa, angin! hahaha.

berperang emosi dgn diri sendiri itu adalah makanan jiwa. kita jalani hidup, lepas tu kita buat reflection, kita alter sana sini, kita teruskan hidup lagi dan kitaran ini akan sentiasa berpusing.

sesetengah orang tak pernah berhenti seketika dan membuat penilaian diri.

knv said...

makanan jiwa? patut la tak sedappppp :P

Min Aina Ila Aina said...

I'm Leo tapi tak rasa macam fire pun, selalu jadi air (water). Tapi sekali air bah sekali pantai berubah bah bah.

Lebih baik kita berperang dengan diri sendiri dan memenangkan perkara positif dengan mengalahkan yang negatif. Itulah namanya muhasabah. Kalaulah kita jadi orang yang syok sendiri dan tak pernah nak cermin diri sendiri...kan lagi menyusahkan orang.

Saya dengar tazkirah pagi tadi, ust sarankan buat solat tasbih. Katanya tenaaaaaannnng sangat. Tak susah dan tak lama, katanya 30 minit je.Saya seumur hidup ni...baru berapa kali ye?

knv said...

maia,
solat tasbih? aduhhh ketar lutut! dah berkurun tak buat tuuuuuuuu.

sigghhh! we always look for solution, padahal solution ada depan mata tak terbuat.

subhanallah. :(

 

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