of self

I found out that my biggest challenge is one of COMMUNICATION. Seriously. Communication in term of confrontation, to be exact. Aku prefer to ‘sleep on things’, sweep it under the carpet as much as I could, sehinggalah muncul satu hari dimana aku terpaksa juga berdepan dengan apa sahaja yang aku takutkan itu.

I simply hate confrontation. Yes I admit fully.

Dan aku juga mendapati yang aku ini seorang yang amat reserved sekali. Superficial. Pretentious. I allow people to see only what I want them to see. Not more and not less. I found out that I’m good at hiding things, wallowing everything inside to myself.

I also know that this is not healthy. But I wonder can I honestly change this part of me?

And I found out too, in order to have peace, I need to go through a civil war inside of me first. No amount of wealth can offer ones peace and happiness. The phrase ‘money can’t buy happiness’ might seem cliché, but honest-to-God, it is so TRUE. You can be surrounded with abundance of wealth but still find yourself not ‘quite’ there yet. The hollow space inside of you, just can’t be justified. You seemed to have everything, but deep down only you know how empty you really were.

And I found out as long as you are alive, you will have to keep overcoming hurdles of life. Some small and insignificant. Some big and significant. Perhaps all these hurdles are meant to make you stronger and wiser with time. But are you really?

And the best part of all, if you pray hard enough, you'll find out that Allah will answer your call, sooner or later. Have faith. Walk to Allah. Allah shall run to you.